Single mothers. I don't think of myself as one, seeing how I am married, just separated due to the military. But technically, I am a single mom. I think in questions. Its how I function, I ask as many questions as I can until I feel like I fully understand something. Tonight I kept asking, How do they do it? How are there women out there who are single and doing it all themselves? They have kid(s), and work and sometimes even manage school. On their own. Alone. Sure maybe they have support, but I'm sure there are plenty who don't. How do they do it. How do they keep going? And then wake up in the morning and do it all again.
I've been working a lot lately. Housekeeping at one of the family's motels. I live rent free in a house TJs family owns so I basically "earn my keep". Its pretty simple work, not rocket science, I have someone to watch Kemper for free, but it is time-consuming. And my back is typically sore by the end of the day. My own house is a disaster and I'm glad no one visits, because I wouldn't want anyone to see. I try to put Kemp down to bed as early as possible, because my patience wears thin. And then instead of cleaning up, I usually put a few toys away and decide I'm tired, turn on a netflix movie and go to sleep.
Its the summer, tourist season, busy season. So I've been working a lot lately. Kemper has a hard time being somewhere different, playing with new things, he misses out on naps. So when I got home this evening I put him in his highchair, gave him some snacks and five minutes later hes passed out. I take him upstairs and figure he is down for the night. I sit myself down on the couch and zone out for a while. It isn't until a while later I realize my baby is crying. And not the whining I want attention. He was crying so hard that he was barely crying. It had to have been for awhile. I know this could happen to anyone, but I felt like because I was so tired, I was being neglectful. The stress hit me and I cried with him as I cuddled him back to sleep. And I thought, "How the hell do people do this?" I can barely keep it together just knowing that there is a light at the end of my tunnel. I won't be single parenting for very long. And I know I'm blessed but I just lost it today. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, or emotional. But my emotions did all flood me tonight. And I cried that I wasn't strong enough to be the working single mom. I am so thankful for the people who care, and for my husband who serves this country. But it can not be over soon enough. Only nine more days.
And single ladies, your next drink is on me.
